New Zealander Shirley Șerban has always loved singing, making delightful shenanigans and writing her own lyrics. Then, during the lockdown, she started re-recording classic songs with new lyrics and uploading them to YouTube. Her first video had over three million views in just three days. And so she continued. In the meantime, the headmistress has published over 60 videos. She wanted to counter the dreary time of the lockdown with humour.
She succeeded. And now she has taken on the menopause and simply rewrote Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody for it. Why? She writes: “A rhapsody is an epic, highly emotional work. To be bohemian is to be unconventional. Isn’t this combination the perfect description of a menopause-stricken woman? This song is especially dedicated to Queen fans who are in the throes of menopause or who have already gone through it.” Well then, if the video hasn’t reached you yet, check it out.
MENOPAUSE RHAPSODY
Is this my new life?
Irritability
Shutting down inside
I can’t sleep and I am so itchy
Got sweaty thighs
This is my demise, you see
I’m just a woman, asking for sympathy,
Because a hot flush comes,
Memory goes
Mood is high
Then it’s low
Every day more hair grows
Where I don’t want any to be
Poor me.
Mama, it’s menopause
No more children can be bred
Now my ovaries are dead
Mama, no it’s not much fun
I once was hot
In quite a different way!
Dramaa. Oooh
Don’t know if I’ll laugh or cry
I can’t remember my plans for tomorrow
And my ‘drive’ has all gone
My brain is feeling scattered
Too late, my prime has gone
Bones shrinking in my spine
Body’s aching all the time
Good night – no I won’t sleep
Just got to go
Gonna toss and turn and
Pee the whole night through!
Sauna – ooh
Where’d my fan go?
I’m all cracked and dry
I can’t stand heat and
Summer time at all!
I am a grumpy hot potato!
Yes, I am
A hot flush, you just shush
Go and open a window!
Thunderbolts and lightning
Don’t cross me, I’m frightening, see!
Just obey – oh
All I say – oh
Do my way – oh
Or you’ll pay – oh
Don’t delay, oh don’t you know?
I’m gonna blow!
I’m just a poor girl with a hot body
She’s just a poor girl
Nauseous and clammy
Just give her chocolate and wine
Let her be!
Magnesium for the bones
More pills for my hormones
This hot flush
No! We will not let you go! (Let me go!)
This headache
No! We will not let you go! (Let me go!)
This mood swing
No! We will not let you go! (Let me go!)
Will not let you go!
Let me go!
Never, never, never, never
Let me go!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Oh menopausa, menopausa
Menopause, just let me go!
This hellish club turns all women
Into wild banshees
Banshees
Banshees!
So you think you can stop age
And turn back time
So you think that your
Fountain of youth won’t run dry
Oh, ladies
Take it from me, poor ladies
It’s going to get you
Your time will soon come
Be prepared!
Ooh – oh yeah, oh yeah
My nerves are all shattered
Always need to pee
Hairier and fatter
Menopause is battering me
At least no more ‘Aunt Flo’ …
Text: Shirley Serban
