"In the evening the headache reached a level requiring two ibuprofens and my mood was murderous."
In the meantime I finally overcame the ‘coffee-crisis’ and I can write about it without scaring off potential new participants. But while the crisis was going on, it felt like it would be like this forever. It started around noon on the first day without coffee, that was the Friday 5 days ago – it started with slight headaches and a weird combination on fatigue and restlessness. The whole thing was so vague that I only figured out what it was during the afternoon: alright, this is the caffeine withdrawal. I prepared myself for a few unpleasant hours and grimly bought another pack of turmeric tea. In the evening the headache reached a level requiring two ibuprofens and my mood was murderous. Not caused by the headaches but completely unrelated to those I was angry as a hornet – with everything and everyone, maybe even the most with myself. My poor kids have never been snapped at as much as during these four days during which I suffered from the withdrawal. For the headaches I could take pills, these helped at least a little bit – but there was nothing I could take for my mood. A large part of the anger was consequently targeted against the programme: Why am I even doing this? I was feeling fine before! What problems did I ever have with coffee?
Or with milk? Or sugar, huh? Everything was completely fine! Never change a winning team etc., what was I even thinking about? And then I had people staying over. People whom I baked cake for, put beer and wine in fridge for and even ordered pizza for (at least I didn’t bake that myself). To be fair, I could’ve figured that that might not have been the best idea beforehand… Oh well, I’ll shut up now. Again and again I gave myself new deadlines for sticking through with it. “If it doesn’t get easier tomorrow morning, I’ll just quit.” “Okay, today is the last day, if it’s not better by tonight, I’ll just quit.” “Those were three days. If it doesn’t get better after three days, I’ll…”. In the end, it lasted half of Friday, the whole of Saturday and Sunday (when I hit rock bottom) and Monday. I felt like Hitler, with headaches on top, and I couldn’t even begin to think about actual work, and there was so much I had to do! Grrrr. And I kept on consciously putting myself on the right track: “So, let’s make a nice herbal tea, and then we’ll see. So let’s have a small piece of dark chocolate, and then we’ll see.” It felt like a split personality with an impossible, aggressive brat on the one side and a mom, battered by life, on the other side, who had to deal with this brat, for better or worse. Big shoutout to the company Hexal, because their ibuprofen pills did more for myself during these days than anyone or anything else. I know, it’s not ideal, but I had the choice between quitting without pills or continuing with them so I chose to keep going. And at the moment where I thought for sure that this was my new self – it was Tuesday morning and it was over. Just like that. I woke up around 5 am and didn’t feel like sleeping any more, I just got up and made myself some water with lemon juice, and all the bad things stayed in the past. And even though I’ll go running to my beloved croissants, steaks, rips, and pasta with arms wide open once this course is over (imagine a stereotypical scene at an airport of the cheesiest rom-com) – I will think twice about going back to coffee. Because the type of friend that can unleash psychological terror of such dimensions, just because you want to distance yourself for a little while, should be treated with caution. Other than that I – self-declared super-fan of chickpeas – tried the chickpea pasta recipe (Aglio&Olio) and will never do that again. Even though I tried not to compare them to ‘normal’ pasta, but instead consider them their own food group. Did not work. I’m sorry. But later today, I’ll try and see whether you can prepare quinoa like sushi rice (minus the sugar) and buy a nice piece of salmon for sashimi. I’ll keep you updated how it went.